listening

english was always my best subject, but i loved biology.

in college, my chosen courses (other then my major; naturally, biological anthropology) were always studio art, film, creative literature & phys. ed. i never stopped through the busy times (i wasn't the average college student; i worked full time) to think about what those things meant.

i always chose biology because i was fascinated with it. i wanted to
be in it. i didn't care that the concepts didn't always come so
natural to me. i had to study hard, especially when it came to physics and chemistry, but i enjoyed the challenge. it gave me a rush.

my grandfather owned a funeral parlor in the south side of
chicago and my aunt kept it up until about the time i was born.
my fascination with the human body was in my blood. my grandmother a nurse, my favorite cousin a pediatrician, my grandfather & aunt both undertakers. biology was a family business.

since kindergarten, i just knew i wanted to be a pediatrician. i still have a picture that i drew from elementary school where i was dressed up in a white coat, stethoscope in hand and palm trees in the background.

wow, how life is different than that picture. here i am, in brooklyn instead of california, dogwoods instead of palms and a paint brush instead of a stethoscope.

i don't study biology anymore; but naturally, i still love it and im
fascinated by science. instead of chromosomes, i study emotions and perceptions. i try to be aware of everything around me. ive been trying to find myself as an artist. ive been searching for that "thing" that people seek to find.

i haven't found it yet, but when i bought this computer, it was
supposed to be for learning graphics. its been 3 months and the only thing ive done is write.

writing has always been an easy way for me to express myself. i would confess my most deep, confused or romantic feelings through letters. even when i was a child, i would leave notes for my mom instead of asking her questions. they would usually read: "can i go out to play? check yes or no."

through writing you can be so honest. expression can be clear in ways that might not work verbally. i praise those that can verbally express themselves with clarity and ease.

back in college when i was having really hard time
emotionally, i would always write about it. id write about the great
times and the terrible times. i loved writing stream of consciousness. i could look back on it and i understood just how i was feeling in the moment.

in all of my sketch books, there's tons of writing. in some, more
writing then sketches. and still, ive never given writing as place on my list of passions.

its so funny when you just take a moment to look at things. in this fast paced city that is new york, i have to say, ive been able
to self reflect. its always true that the best things are usually right in front of you, waiting for you to grab them.